TLDR:
Crazy couple weeks! I went from a laid back lovely spring break and celebrating my wedding anniversary early because we didn’t have the kids that weekend (week 10) to the craziness that is the COVID-19 pandemic. online courses, increased workload, locked indoors, homeschooling my stepchildren, trying to keep up with research (which we’ve had to redesign due to the pandemic), and major depressive episodes (week 13). Man, I’m tired.
For the Interested Reader:
Accomplishments
Eliane and I are in the middle of redesigning our research project and updating our IRB application in light of the pandemic, school closures, and recent stay at home orders. We can no longer perform our field observations as schools are shut down. I am continuing to work on the PhET simulation redesign based on our HCI and educational design theory to test in a lab study most likely as an A/B test.
Homeschooling two kids as a Ph.D. student is no joke. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish despite losing half of my days, and I didn’t quit any of my classes, However, there has been a marked decrease in performance in my most time-consuming class. I simply don’t have time for it. I have been in conversations with my professor and he has given me some lee-way, but not as much as I really need. He was really nice though and told me he thought I was doing well in his class especially considering my extra constraints since the pandemic. I am most likely switching that course to CR/NC to relieve some of the stress I’ve been feeling, which is in alignment with the advice I received from my doctorate mentor.
Eliane and Rogelio both independently sent me an email about the same fellowship which is meant to serve as an augmentation to other funding. I’m going to start working with them to apply for that.
What’s next
- Finish up work on the IRB application. We only have a few sections left now.
- Continue making updates to PhET
- Apply for the SigHPC fellowship
- Survive the rest of the semester
- Reach out to my therapist
Roadblocks
Not enough time in the day/week to accomplish all the extra tasks that have been put on my plate since the pandemic hit the U.S.
COVID-19 Craziness, and LIfe
Homeschooling my kids has thrown a huge hurdle in my path. I spend mornings and early afternoons with them, basically not accomplishing anything of my own (though I do attempt it), and then spend the rest of the day trying to fit my stuff in, including some self-care, and trying to get enough sleep. It’s not really working for me, but we don’t have any alternatives.
I’ve been struggling with a depressive episode triggered by the fallout of the pandemic (the pandemic itself hasn’t worried me, it’s been all the repercussions in my life and the lives of people I love that has caused it). So to look on the bright side, it’s a great time and opportunity to work on some old issues that resurfaced and to reflect on how far I’ve come! Depression isn’t a norm in my life anymore and I know that this will pass. In the meantime, I recognize it would be wise to get some professional support so I can stay safe and be the best mom/wife/sister/friend possible. I can’t do that if I don’t take care of myself.
I told Eliane I really want to focus more on games research and so I’m going to be working with Rogelio as my advisor, and that I want her on my committee. She was super supportive and I’m looking forward to having her on my committee as all my interactions with her have been extremely positive and she knows a lot about educational technologies which will be great insights to have. She was going to fund me over the summer before that conversation, but she has other students she’s working with that she may throw that funding behind now (which I completely understand and support), so I most likely won’t have a job this summer. I haven’t decided if that’s good or bad, but it’s definitely an added stress. My husband is an essential worker, but if he gets sick… well, I’m praying he stays well!
Right as the pandemic started to spread in the U.S. I (made my kids) play the board game Pandemic. As a mathematics undergraduate, I learned about the basic SIR (Susceptible, Infected, Recovered) models used to study infectious disease. I wanted my kids to understand how infectious diseases spread and that there are things that people, public health specialists, medical professionals, as well as scientists and innovators can do to help when a pandemic happens. It wasn’t much of a success the first time, however, I played again with my daughter a few days later and I am proud to say that we beat every outbreak quite handily.
In times of crisis, it’s important to focus on things that bring you hope and joy, and to find gratitude in the little moments. I love that playing games was recommended by health organizations as a way to cope with this crisis! #GamesForChange
The earthquakes that hit Utah really shook our home and did some damage. as well as really upsetting a member of my family. I feel like part of my job as wife/mom is calming down all the anxiety and stir craziness that’s happening. So to anyone who is struggling, remember the good things, be grateful for the small things, and be hopeful for the future of things, and remember it’s okay to have a bad day.
“Everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end!” -Unknown
Nancy Games 